Here I am
Wounded soul
Seeking Joy
Within my heart
Hold me close
I lay down my love
In the midst of you
Longing to be healed
I fall at your feet
A yearning so strong
Help me to stay near
Take all of me in
Here I am, in the midst of you
Wounded soul, longing to be healed
Seeking joy, I fall at your feet
Within my heart, a yearning so strong
Hold me close, help me to stay near
I lay down my love, take all of me in
In the silence the noise comes running.
Piercing, unexpected stampede crashing,
breaking, pushing, finding a way in.
Deafening the silence. Fighting. Winning
the battle. The silence. Oh the silence,
crowding out the noise invading. Battles.
Raging confusion coming to break
that silence in which peace dwells. Safety.
What is safety? Noise claims the game.
Silence pushes back, hard, unassuming;
it’s power matched with noise. Deafening.
Silence, noise: both come surging, fighting,
Tired. Crumbling. Chaos ensuing. Reach,
for that peace that survives, hidden, afraid.
Afraid of the peace. What is silence?
What of the noise? Is it just confusion,
the thing that makes whole, pure confusion?
Battling. Silence. Battling. Noise. Battling.
Life left losing. Peace, it is forever hiding.
Written 5/24, just before midnight
Like water falling down to the earth
So, too, from eyes thus streaming
Water flowing, the source breaking
A rumbling felt to the very core
Flashes blinding your vision
All the same, giving light to dark
The rushing, the tension, the chaos
Beating, pouring forth with no end
Fallen to the ground looking upward
Mixed are the rain and the tears
Brokenness loud, brokenness silent
Hidden within yet poured, seen
Washed away and still left broken
Scattered, found in the passing
Left to be healed, created anew
*written moments before posting*
What is it, Lord, that even as I run,
I am found clinging to you?
Though darkness is in my heart,
a light is shining through.
The desires of my flesh
succumbing to your holy way.
When the battle rages on,
find me on my knees to pray.
As the chaos fights to be let in,
my shield and my hope you will be.
The enemy stands not a chance;
it is you, Lord, that sets me free.
During Adoration 2-19-23
The earth trembles below me
Darkness pursues my heart
An immense war rages on
And my weakness emerges
Without you I crumble
Consumed by eternal chaos
I struggle to reach for you
Crushed by the weight
A light flickers far off
What feels unreachable
Break the bonds that hold
Please come get me
I fear the black hole
Looming at every turn
Don’t let me give up
Stop me from running away
Before hope abandons me
How I long for your embrace
Warmth to shut out cold
Calm the trembling
Be my whole strength
Purify the hidden tears
I’m lost and broken apart
Wandering the barren wilderness
Water nowhere to be found
Quench my parched soul
From myself I need saving
To be held together
As I crumble apart
When the evil one knocks
Lock temptation’s door
Guide my every thought
I need you in my life
It’s my only way to thrive
The only path to joy
My only way out of darkness
I’m scared and falling
Break down my steel walls
Win the war for my soul
During Adoration 2/12/23
The seas roar and the sky bellows
All the pieces scatter in the storm
Oh Lord, You are there in all of it
Calling out and reaching for me
Darkness settles and light fades
Shadows from behind creep in
Oh Lord, You are there in all of it
Calling out and reaching for me
The noise grows continually louder
Pounding the mind with chaos
Oh Lord, You are there in all of it
Calling out and reaching for me
Anxiety pierces the heart’s core
Depression grasps at the soul
Oh Lord, You are there in all of it
Calling out and reaching for me
The enemy whispers at every corner
Seeping in through every weakness
Oh Lord, You are there in all of it
Calling out and reaching for me
In all of it, I will turn to You
This is an original psalm I wrote for the scripture class that I took during my second year of formation (postulant year) to become a professed religious sister (2011-2012). We had to read and reflect on one of the psalms for about 30 minutes then compose our own and put it to video (I wish I could remember which one I picked). The words are mine and the pictures are mine. The song is “Sometimes When it Rains” by Secret Garden. This is what I came up with!
If you used only the first and last slide, you would still have a prayer worth saying. Each picture I used was prayerfully picked to go with the words in my heart. I pray you have enjoyed what I created back then; I like to revisit it now and and again because it still strikes a cord with me. God Bless!
Here is a wonderful little poem that I composed October of 2006. I had been sitting around in my dorm room, playing a game online with a close friend. The urge had come over me to start writing. This is what became of that. At the time, I felt it had nothing to do with me. All it was, was a beautiful piece of work
There is a glow on her face
One like never seen before
Shinning shimmering smile
Grows ever more beautiful
This young woman bows
Saying a soft prayer as she goes
A faith that was once lost
Grows every more beautiful
Looking around at a world
Where once she saw only bad
The view from God given to her
Grows ever more beautiful
Once brushing away from the needy
Now she gently kneels before them
Seeing in them the strength that
Grows ever more beautiful
Pain she once felt deep inside
Once hidden and hurt she felt
She now is told that she
Grows ever more beautiful
In Gods eyes
9:08pm
10-20-06
Please see this post to read the rest of my reflection on this poem on the time I posted it 4 years after its writing (poem in 2006, post in 2010). Reading it now, I think I am seeing it a little different than my reflection in the previous post. I have been doing a great deal of volunteering and have become (and am becoming still) close friends with some (and hopefully more) of the staff there. Life has tossed me many challenges and Satan has been fighting really hard for me. He knows right where to strike at me the hardest, where I am apt to fail. I have fallen in recent days, but these blessed people have helped me fill my life with prayer and God’s love. It has always been in my life, but it feels like it is activating itself more. I have always valued my faith, and being Catholic able to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, but this community is bringing something else out in me. So something I wrote that at the time felt like it had absolutely no connection to me, comes around again and perhaps speaks to the relationships that have grown in the past months and my longing for the Holy City of God.
I came across this reflection I shared on one of my old blogs from an older journal that I have somewhere. In the coming days, I am going to be looking back on old posts and things of the past, looking for what strikes me as relevant to my life today still. Here is one of those such reflections.
Sometimes life calls for you to take one step back and let out a sigh. Say a prayer and think about all you have and how much more than that you have to give. Don’t be afraid to step out of a comfort zone and let go. Let go of all the negative thoughts. Let go of your talents and use them, not hiding them in a box in the back of a closet buried under your fears. Think about it, you were given certain abilities, skills, and much more that can be used to help out others in so many different ways. Don’t hide you talents and all you have, what is the point of that? Look around you, take in your surroundings. Are you using all of what you have in front of you, working with what you are given? Take those things, make something, and mold a life worth something, as everyone is capable of doing. Where are you going in your life, is it bringing you towards something worth smiling about? If it is not bringing you where you can stand to be alive each day, maybe you need to go somewhere else. Take another sigh, your life is worth so much. You may see people going to help disaster victims, or going to third world countries to help those in poverty, but that may not your way. Don’t be disappointed in that, there are many other ways you can serve the world and maybe just the people in your community. Go ahead, take another sigh, and return to reality. See all your life ahead of you and do with it as you will while making sure to keep in mind who gave it to you and who out there needs your help. Last of all, be your true self, no one else is qualified.
Written February 2006
Calm chaos settles in
Sting of death intrigues
The sharpness a welcome guest
With key in hand
Your word fights my heart cowers
Darkness pulls me in
Hand outstretched so weak
Falling from the earth
Evil pounds me under
Retrieve me from its grasp
This tight grip it has
Needs one stronger
Gather the demolished pieces
This puzzle’s lost parts
Ones destroyed by hurt
Save the masterpiece
Written August 2022
Grace-Filled Hope 