In peace tears fall hidden by a smile
Aggression held up by aches and pains
A mind wired for destruction, chaos
This heart fighting for a blessed life
Written July 2022
I Rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Worn, weary
Battered, bruised
Always lost
Myself misused
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Fearful, afraid
On the run
Never settled
Completely done
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Weak, frail
Strength misplaced
Fallen, broken
Come, haste
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
Jesus, I rest in You
*written April 2022 during Divine Mercy Service*
Hold Me. Love Me.
Hold me. Love me.
Keep me in Your sight.
Hold me. Love me.
Heal me from the fight.
Hold me. Love me.
Guide me with Your light.
In the ashes of the night I lay
Chaos, pain, my comfort
Loneliness is my friend
Yet I long for much more
Hold me. Love me.
Keep me in Your sight.
Hold me. Love me.
Heal me from the fight.
Hold me. Love me.
Guide me with Your light.
Outstretched my hand reaches
Grasping, yearning, hoping
Even a tiny light, a glimmer
This pulling me out of the dark
Hold me. Love me.
Keep me in Your sight.
Hold me. Love me.
Heal me from the fight.
Hold me. Love me.
Guide me with Your light.
Your compassion grabs my hand
Warmth flows freely through
Forgiveness, tears, renewed hope
Great is your plan for me
Hold me. Love me.
Keep me in Your sight.
Hold me. Love me.
Heal me from the fight.
Hold me. Love me.
Guide me with Your light.
*written September 2021 during Mass*
A Simple Prayer
At the feet of the cross, lay down adore.
He who saves, He who loves, my Savior.
Guide me, protect me, in Your fold I remain.
Lost yet faithful am I, take away my pain.
*written April 2021*
I Must Stay
I know you are here
Guiding me forward
Calling me to holiness
Helping me when it’s hard
You lead me on
Refining every rough edge
Grasping me tight
Keeping me from the ledge
You never give up on me
Even when I turn away
Only you do I want
In Your love I must stay
*written March 2021*
Father Above
O God, my Father above
Come fill me with your love
Engulf me, protect me
Create who I am to be
I turn back to you
It is the only thing to do
To follow You with praise
In prayer, my hands I raise
Keep me in everlasting love
O God, my Father above
*written March 2021*
Outpoured
My words are dust flirting in the air
Useless rambling lost in space
Neither here nor there this way or that
Questions unanswered my embrace
Do you call me from the deep
Pull me out of this tormenting shadow
Or leave me to wither away slowly
Knowing not why this agony now
The screams are silent yet piercing
An anger unknown and alone
Do you even hear me calling
Searching to not be on my own
Those words oh my words muddled
Clearly formed chaotic longing
Scared of letting go
Not knowing sense of belonging
Dust in the air clouds the sight
Falling hurt skinned and bruised
Hold me just hold me strong
All my feeble strength I have used
Hear my heart’s cries each day
This nobody that is wholly yours
Heal her words and her soul
From Your cup that outpours
*written today*
Speck of Sand
A speck of sand among many lost in the abyss
Finds not its way in a sea of monotony
One like the other, day by day the same
Sinks further in, hiding itself from the rest
A cool wind that blows sends a chill up the spine
Yet flushed in the face of one in a rage
Swirling sounds of what should freeze
Melt the hardness revealing the turmoil deep
Shrinks to the ground camouflaged
Against the grain of similarity burning hot
Longs for freedom trapped in the hustle
Screaming, destroying, lashing out in fear
Sinking deep the sand of conformity
It reaches and grasps but for other than what
A frozen tundra on fire it must cross
A darkness encapsulating creating barrier
Pushing, demanding, a greatness unwanted
This unknown calling grabbing, fighting
Running sand blowing down the shoreline
Trapped and yet flowing, chaotic movement
Light glimmers on the horizon, possibility
Engulfing, powerful force stunning
Fearful calm forms the storm unyielding
Is there more for a speck of sand unrealized?
*written end of November 2021*
Light to the World
Today has provided me with much to reflect on. In the midst of a pandemic, churches are no longer able to offer public Masses, leaving the faithful to turn to technology to help maintain their spiritual life. While there are many other changes to reflect on as well (such as the inability to find toilet paper and how I, as a preschool teacher, provide online learning for my students), I am going to stick with what I have learned today.
In order to maintain some normacy around my Sunday morning routine, I made sure I was up in time for Mass. Showered, dressed in my best, and ready to go…I settled in to live-stream the Mass. It is amazing how just the simple actions of standing and kneeling at the appropriate times can connect me and put me in the mindset of what is going on in the present moment. We even had music at the 10am Mass!
The one thing I noticed is how my home is not fit to be a place of worship. I have always struggled with keeping things organized and clean, much of the time feeling comepletely overwhelmed in even the small things. Experiencing following the Mass live online like I did today has lit my fire a little more in terms of motivation. Next week when I am worshipping in the Mass, I want to feel less distracted by the things in my apartment.
I was blessed today to be able to receive the Holy Eucharist after viewing the Mass live form my home. For half an hour after each that is held, my parish is offering the opportunity to receive Jesus in Holy Communion. We line up outside the Gathering Place on the side walk, waiting our turn in a socially distant way. First step is going in between the two sets of doors to pray the Lord’s Prayer with the Deacon. Then we move to waiting at the door to the sactuary. When it is your turn, you move right inside the sancuary and receive Eucharist from the Priest, as well as a blessing. After, you leave the building and go on your way. It flowed wonderfully and waiting in the cold wind was well worth it.
While I was there, the person in front of me was a high school student who typically altar-serves. He was alone and I heard him say his family was at home. To see a young man there on his own without family there as well is a testament to the beautiful work of the Lord through my parish.
My biggest take away from the homily today was about how if we each share our little lights together, we shine brighter for the world to see. I think of what we are going through these days and I believe that together we will get through the trials that come upon us.
How will you be a light to those around you?
Remember You Are Dust
Ashes shrewn on my head
A cross of salvation
Sin to leave far behind
Before returning to dust
Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return. Repent and believe in the Gospel.
The second phrase is the one that I encountered this evening receiving my ashes, yet the first the one that has been in my head all day. Why does it linger in my mind so much more than it has in past years?
God made us from the dust of the earth, created us in his own image, immortal man (and yes, I am refering to the broad sense of the word…). We were to live forever and not worry one bit about our health and what came after life on this earth was over. In steps free will, and needing to know more beyond what we were given. Hence, the fall…death enters. One day, we will be returned to the earth and our bodies once again become dust. Morbid, I know, but a reality that we must come to grips with.
Let us now drift into the second possible phrase that you may have heard today. Repent and believe in the Gospel. Hope enters in the person of Jesus Christ. We have been blessed to be given the opportunity to redeem ourselves from our sin and receive the Good News of the Lord.
Lent sends us on a deeper journey towards salvation. We are called to pray, fast, and give alms. In using our weapons of self-restraint, we are able to grow closer to the Lord and fully receive the graces that He bestows on those who choose to follow Him.
Grace-Filled Hope 