I recently went on my first silent retreat. Was I nervous? Of course I was! Yes, I have been on many retreats before, and perhaps worked on just as much ( given I spent nearly a year as a volunteer intern at a retreat center). That is not to say that I get to go all the time. I wish I had more of them in my life, actually. Anyways, back to the top at hand.
My first silent retreat. Was it everything I thought it would be? Maybe. Silent? Of course. Only four talks? We knew that ahead of time. Short five and then fifteen minute slots to talked to an assigned one of two people? We found that out the week before. The fact that I would have a hard time with a long period of silence and only reading scripture as well as spending that time with God? Nah. I thought I would be fine with that. I guess come Saturday morning after Mass, breakfast, the first talk, and an hour into the alone time in silence… I wanted to go home. Boy, was it hard to remain focused and not be distracted by constantly counting down the time to the next not alone thing. I am a retreat lover, and I wanted to go home. What was going on!?
That afternoon, I got the chance to meet with a beautiful soul on fire for the Lord. Those fifteen minutes helped to set me back on a good path. Was it still hard for me to not count down the time, sure. After that afternoon meeting, I went outside with my bag of retreat things and sat down at a picnic table to hopefully meet God where I was at. In the midst of that time, I wrote what I refer to as “A Psalm.”
As I reach out to you, Lord, a sheep lost in the flock, preserve my life, keep me from death.
The hand of the enemy tries to grasp onto me, tries to scare me away from your love.
You, Lord, are true love; you never stop loving, never stop being my safe place.
I cry out to you, deliver me from my sin, cast light on what plagues my soul.
Alone I will fall into a pit of despair, too depressed to live.
But you, Lord, make sure that I am never alone, constantly calling me back to your heart.
Sit with me, weep with me, turn my sorrow to joy, my darkness to light.
You hold the keys to everything I am, to who you call me to be; unlock the goodness in me.
Allow me to touch your garment; even more so, to feel your warm embrace envelop me.
Resting in you, I can be still; resting in you, I am safe; resting in you, I am known.
Written November 2025
This psalm that I have written was inspired by Psalm 119:149, “O Lord, in your justice, preserve my life.” It is also based on my reflections on the Parable of the Lost Sheep and the story of the women touching Jesus’ garment with faith she will be healed.
I can’t even explain the things that touched my heart from the 4 talks that we had. I am also still soaking in the lessons I have learned from the bible passages I felt called to reflect on. These are the ones I looked at, at some point during the retreat: Mark 5:24-34, Matthew 18:10-14 / Luke 15:1-7, John 10:1-5, and Psalm 119:145-152. Also, I add the second reading from that Sunday to the list; 1 Corinthians 3:9c-11, 16-17. It was a good one for sure. There is much to unpack from the weekend and I am sure I will be soaking it in for a very long time.
Grace-Filled Hope 